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Hi, this is Ray,

When I was younger, I thought I could learn everything. Guitar, kung fu, Japanese, web design, cooking soufflés, even juggling flaming torches (don’t ask).

Fast-forward a few decades, and now I consider it a victory if I manage to keep a houseplant alive. Spoiler: I still can’t juggle torches.

That’s the thing about learning: there are infinite skills you could cultivate… but limited time, energy, and brain cells. Which means the real challenge isn’t just learning, but deciding what to learn.

So how do you choose which skills to cultivate while learning? Let’s break it down.

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Step 1: Define Your Why

Before choosing a skill, ask yourself: Why do I want to learn this?

Is it for career growth? Personal curiosity? Survival in the apocalypse? (Knowing how to garden might finally beat out “speedrunning Zelda” in usefulness.)

Research in motivation theory shows that when your goals are tied to intrinsic motivation… things that matter to you personally, you stick with them longer . Extrinsic goals (like impressing your boss) can work short-term, but intrinsic ones fuel the long game.

So start with your why. Skills are tools. The “why” is the quest.

Step 2: Look for the Multiplier Effect

Some skills are like single-use items. Others are like Swiss Army knives.

Learning touch typing, for example, doesn’t just help with emails… it speeds up everything you do on a computer. Learning public speaking helps with teaching, networking, pitching, even parenting (kids are the toughest audience).

Economists call this transferable skills… abilities that multiply across contexts. The more areas a skill impacts, the higher it should rank on your cultivation list.

Step 3: Balance Hard and Soft Skills

It’s tempting to only go after “hard” skills… coding, accounting, rocket science. They’re concrete, measurable, resume-friendly.

But soft skills… communication, adaptability, emotional intelligence… often matter just as much, if not more. A Harvard study found that 85% of job success comes from well-developed soft skills, while only 15% comes from technical knowledge .

So if you’re wondering whether to focus on Excel formulas or empathy, the answer might be: both.

Step 4: Factor in Energy and Enjoyment

Discipline is important (we’ve talked about that). But if you absolutely hate something, forcing yourself to grind it forever is a recipe for burnout.

Studies in educational psychology show that enjoyment in learning increases persistence and improves performance . That doesn’t mean only learn what’s fun… but it does mean fun can be a compass.

If one skill excites you and another drains you, the choice is clearer than you think.

Step 5: Think Long-Term Relevance

Ask yourself: will this skill still matter in 5, 10, 20 years?

For example: learning how to use a specific social media algorithm hack might be obsolete by next Tuesday. But learning storytelling? That’s been valuable since humans started drawing on cave walls.

Prioritize skills that outlast tools and trends.

Step 6: Test Before You Invest

Don’t commit to a skill forever right away. Run a “pilot.”

Spend a week dabbling. See how it feels. Like dating, but with less awkward small talk.

Psychologists call this exploration vs. exploitation… test a little, then commit to what works. That way you avoid wasting years chasing something you actually hate (looking at you, “Learn to Play Jazz Saxophone” phase of 2011).

Step 7: Align with Identity

Finally, the most powerful skills to cultivate are the ones that connect to who you want to become.

James Clear (of Atomic Habits) explains that lasting change happens when we tie actions to identity. For example: instead of “I’m learning to code,” try “I’m becoming the kind of person who builds things with technology.”

Identity-linked skills stick because they shape not just what you do but who you are.

Think of your life like an RPG skill tree. You can’t max out every branch. If you spread your points too thin, you’ll end up mediocre at everything (the dreaded “Jack of All Trades, Level 5 Everywhere” build).

But if you invest strategically… choose a path, unlock multipliers, balance combat and charisma… you become a powerhouse.

Choosing which skills to cultivate is about building your unique skill tree.

Wrapping It Up

So, how do you choose which skills to cultivate?

• Start with your why.

• Look for multipliers and transferability.

• Balance hard and soft skills.

• Factor in enjoyment and energy.

• Prioritize long-term relevance.

• Test before committing.

• Align with your identity.

Because at the end of the day, learning isn’t about collecting every possible skill. It’s about choosing the right ones that shape the life… and the learner you want to become.

And no, juggling flaming torches still didn’t make the cut.

References

1. Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55(1), 68–78. Link

2. Harvard Business Review (2017). The importance of soft skills in the workplace. Link

3. Pekrun, R., Goetz, T., Titz, W., & Perry, R. P. (2002). Academic emotions in students’ self-regulated learning and achievement: A program of qualitative and quantitative research. Educational Psychologist, 37(2), 91–105. Link