What You Can Learn From the Resolutions You Didn’t Keep This Year

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Hi, this is Ray.

Every January, I write goals like I’m drafting a Marvel movie script: bold, dramatic, and with zero regard for budget, reality, or human limitations.

“Wake up at 5am.”

“Run every day.”

“Learn Japanese while mastering sourdough.”

“Build six businesses and start a Kendo dojo on the moon.”

Then December rolls around… and I realize I’ve mostly just gotten really good at hitting snooze and buying new notebooks.

Sound familiar?

Here’s the thing: the resolutions you didn’t follow through on aren’t failures. They’re feedback. And science can help you decode what they’re actually trying to teach you.

Let’s dig into the psychology of motivation, memory, and why we keep promising Future Us will be way more productive than Past or Present Us has ever been.

Your Brain Doesn’t Like Long-Term Goals

Resolutions are basically time-traveling to-do lists. But your brain? It’s more of a “what’s-for-lunch” kind of machine.

Neuroscience research from the University of Oregon shows that when we think about our future selves, our brains light up in the same way they do when we think about strangers. In other words, we treat Future Us like a different person entirely (source).

So when you set that ambitious resolution in January, your brain goes, “Sure! Sounds great… for that other guy.”

This explains why we make big, idealistic plans and then bail the moment things get hard. You’re not lazy… you’re just neurologically short-sighted.

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Willpower Is a Finite Resource

You’ve probably heard the advice: “Just push through.” But science says willpower doesn’t work that way.

Psychologist Roy Baumeister’s famous studies on ego depletion found that willpower functions like a muscle… it gets tired the more you use it (source).

So when your resolution depends solely on brute force (“I will never eat sugar again!”), you’re setting yourself up to fail. Especially in the modern world where resisting temptation is a full-time job.

What works better? Structuring your environment to make the right choice easier. Like removing junk food from your house instead of relying on willpower to avoid it every single night at 11:30pm while sad-scrolling Instagram.

Motivation Isn’t Magic… It’s a Feedback Loop

We love the idea that motivation strikes like lightning. One TED Talk and boom… you’re a new person.

But motivation doesn’t precede action. Action precedes motivation.

In a classic study from Psychological Review, researchers found that self-efficacy (your belief in your ability to do something) increases after success, not before it (source).

In other words: you get motivated because you start making progress… not the other way around.

So if your resolution required a massive overhaul (new diet, new schedule, new personality), your brain probably never got enough wins to feel motivated. You didn’t fail because you’re unmotivated. You were unmotivated because the system failed to show early results.

Habits Beat Hustle (and Guilt)

A lot of resolutions feel like personality makeovers: “I’m going to be disciplined.” “I’m going to be focused.” “I’m going to finally be That Person™.”

But those goals are abstract. What does “being focused” even look like at 3pm when you’re hungry and your phone’s buzzing?

According to BJ Fogg, a behavior scientist at Stanford, tiny habits beat big ambitions. In his research-backed system, you focus on small, specific behaviors that are easy to succeed at… like “floss one tooth” instead of “floss every day” (source).

Each small win reinforces identity: you become the kind of person who shows up.

So the lesson from failed resolutions? They were too vague, too big, or too divorced from your actual day-to-day life. Habits are how you translate intention into identity.

Identity Is the Real Goal

Let’s be honest: most of our goals aren’t really about the goal.

You don’t want to go to the gym… you want to become the kind of person who feels strong, proud, and confident.

You don’t want to read 52 books… you want to be known (to yourself or others) as smart, curious, and disciplined.

James Clear calls this “identity-based goals”, and there’s good science behind it. A study in Self and Identity found that goal persistence increases when tied to core values or self-perception (source).

So instead of saying, “I will write a book,” it’s more powerful to say, “I’m becoming a writer.” That subtle shift taps into your need for consistency with who you believe you are.

If your resolution didn’t stick, ask yourself: “Was I chasing a result… or building an identity?”

You Might Be in Region Beta

There’s a psychological concept called Region Beta Paradox. It explains why sometimes mild discomfort leads to inaction, while extreme pain triggers transformation.

Let me explain with a Ray-style metaphor.

If you slightly twist your ankle, you’ll probably limp for weeks and avoid the doctor. But if you break your leg, you go to the ER immediately. The worse outcome gets addressed faster.

This happens with goals, too.

You kinda hate your job… so you stay.

You sorta want to get in shape… but not enough to change your lifestyle.

Everything is “fine.” So nothing changes.

Harvard researchers call this a Region Beta Zone… where moderate pain is tolerated longer than severe pain would be (source).

So maybe your resolution didn’t fail. Maybe your life was just fine enough to not push for change.

Let This Year’s Failures Be Next Year’s Blueprint

Here’s the twist ending.

Those failed resolutions? They’re full of clues. Each one tells you something about your energy, your triggers, your actual priorities, and your hidden fears.

Mine taught me that:

• I overcommit when I’m feeling insecure.

• I need social accountability to stay consistent.

• I confuse ambition with urgency.

• I set “perfect” goals so I have an excuse to quit when I fall short.

So what do you do with your failed resolutions?

You study them.

You learn from them.

And then you do it better.

Next year, try:

• Goals that feel like a stretch but are still achievable

• Tiny habit experiments instead of lifestyle overhauls

• Tracking identity shifts, not just metrics

• Designing your environment to pull you forward rather than push you with guilt

You don’t need a new you. You just need a smarter system.

And maybe fewer notebooks.

Happy New Year,

Ray